Illustration for article titled Wait, what? Now Trump says idont/i talk about impeachment process?

I can’t even with this idiot. Donald Trump, whom you may recall is being investigated for impeachment, has consistently been telling his Republican sycophants to attack the impeachment process, calling it everything from unfair to unconstitutional, despite the fact that the process is outlined in the Constitution.

This is a patently stupid take from a deeply stupid man, but whatever. Trump managed to get such notaries as kisser-of-orange-ass Lindsey Graham to create a bizarre “resolution” condemning the process. Not to be outdone, Frisch’s Big Boy mascot Matt Gaetz led a gaggle of idiots into a classified hearing room and ordered pizza (no word on whether this violated Gaetz’ Big Boy contract). Gaetz claimed that Republicans were being shut out of the impeachment process, despite the presence of Republicans on the committee who alternate questioning with Democrats. Gaetz is a moron with a history of heavy drinking, and while his pizza party delayed the impeachment hearings, it produced no lasting effects.


A federal judge dealt all this nonsense a potentially fatal blow on Friday, stating that the impeachment inquiry is legal and fuck right off, GOP (that last bit probably didn’t actually happen but should have so I’m exercising poetic license).

TODAY King Kumquat, however, a noted stable genius, told reporters:

“So one thing I said: I’d rather go into the details of the case rather than process.”

WHAT? Your whole fucking defense has been process, because you’re guilty as fuck, Mango!

But it gets better:

“I had a great conversation with the Ukrainian President. I had another conversation with him also, I think before that, which was the same thing. It was nothing. They tried to take that conversation and make it into a big scandal. The problem was we had it transcribed. It was an exact transcription of the conversation.”


Oh. My. God. This delusional imbecile truly believes that the transcript of the call completely exonerates him. Completely. But there’s more:

“Once I released the conversation, this thing all died.”

Umm, no, Donald. That’s not what happened. At all. YOU’RE STILL BEING IMPEACHED. RIGHT NOW.


And now he’s telling his GOP lickspittles to stop focusing on process and start focusing on the details of the case. Because that’s a winning strategy. Tangerine’s dementia has progressed to the point where he’s a. convinced he did nothing wrong and b. convinced his “innocent” comments prove his innocence.

People, we are through the looking glass here.

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